How I've come to hate "hello"

I've heard it said that the most recognized word in the world is "ma" (mom). I don't doubt it for a second, after all is the same in the the three most widely spoken languages, Mandarin, Spanish, and English. But I think the most widely recognized English word has to be "hello." Who doesn't know what "hello" means? The trouble is, in China, or at least, according to my experience in China, "hello" takes on a new meaning that I don't exactly love. That's not to say "hello" can't be used as a warm greeting in China, in fact I hear it all the time. Young people often answer cell phone calls with a freakishly American sounding "hello" that used to leave me stunned to hear the conversation switch into Chinese, and not perfect English. (Side not on answering cell phones, the Japanese greeting, "mushimushi" is also seems to be quite popular).

The trouble arises, ironically, when "hello" is used with a native English speaker. "Hello" becomes aggressive, loud, and harsh, and can take on any number of meanings, subsituting whole paragraphs, most of which would begin with, "HEY! FOREIGN PERSON!"

For example: "HEY FOREIGN PERSON! You must speak English because you don't look like me! And because you are foreign and in China you must have lots of money and not spend it wisely! Come look at my overly priced goods so I can make a lot of money! HELLLO! If I speak louder are you more interested!?"

Or: "HEY FOREGN PERSON sitting in my cab! I know you just spoke to me in fluent Chinese, but I still won't use the same language to ask you which way to turn.

Or: "HEY FOREIGN GIRL! You are blonde, that's unusual around these parts! I've seen blonde girls on TV and they are promiscuous! Don't you think its fun to be the butt of my joke right now? You see, here I am in front of my friends, we are all mid twenties or so with seemingly nothing better to do but stand around all day! They think its really hilarious when I say "hello" at foriegn girls! Why aren't you responding? Gosh you are rude. I'll say "hello" again, that should do the trick, "HELLO!"

And finally the one that really yanks my last straw out from under me: "HEY FOREIGN PERSON! You are doing something stupid right now and this is how I am going to get your attention! Gosh you are stupid! I don't know how to communicate with you in English so I am going to repeat what I just said a few more times, "hello," "hello!" I won't make any attempt to use my native tongue to communicate what I need to say to you, because being in China and understanding Chinese, well that would just be plain silliness! You don't understand what information I am trying to get across by saying "hello" and making awkward gestures? Why not! Stupid foreigner!"

Which brings to me an interesting point about a difference between the US and China. In the States we don't only expect foreigners to speak the language, we demand it. Whereas in China, if a foreigner can respond to yes/no questions with the appropriate monosyllabic grunts and modal particles, it is usually met with genuine awe. Why?

I think there might be a few reasons. First of all, Chinese is a genuinely extremely difficult language. English is said to be difficult as well, but I think Chinese might be harder. I have a lot of reasons for this belief, which I may or may not expand upon later, but for now just take my word for it. I also think Chinese people hear a lot of foreigners attempting Chinese and butchering it, while American hear a lot of foreigners speaking English extremely well.

Also, the US is very much composed of foreigners, where in China they really stick out. I would like to here a foreigners' experiences in the States, but under a lot of circumstances one might pass under the foreign radar. Most (if not all) Asian Americans that I have known in China have stories of being spoken to in Chinese, and difficulty explaining their Americanness and lack of Chinese language skills.

Or is it because the US is so self centered that it thinks that everyone should just speak English already? We don't tend to worry about foreign language so much. I've been asked, "so what foreign language are you required to study in school？" Foreign language requirement, HA! (开玩笑）In China, their seems to be a greater respect for the difficulty of learning another language.

Maybe. I'm still not sure which take I prefer. Really, I just don't like being "hello"ed at.